After waking surprisingly refreshed at 8:30, I spent most of the late morning trying to get Eliza down for a nap. At lunchtime she had only dozed on and off, waking when I left her side, and was unhappy while I made sandwiches which needs two hands. I asked Sara Ellen to bounce her seat and the sweet girl was so unhappy herself listening to her sister cry. Eliza finally slept for longer stretches of time so that I was able to go through photos from the last six months for Sara Ellen’s album. I have Christmas, nothing for January then they trickle in until April. This was at least an hour of going through photos and listening to Sara Ellen ask me to “go back to the photo I wanted to see!”

Tim has tons of photos he hasn’t done anything with, at least not online. So I had great photos to check out, some for the first time but there were lots of gaps because he was missing most of mine from my camera and even more since I tend to photograph more with my phone so I added those from my camera and then went to our gallery to get those I’d uploaded from my phone. I went through all these, starring some, trying to compile a balanced amount for each month.

Eliza woke during this project and when I felt I’d done enough we played Carcassone (with river and Inns and Cathedrals expansions) which Sara Ellen had taken out and been pretty happily playing with on her own. It’s a tile game I suppose, not board or card, which means that you can kind of place them willy nilly as long as the sides match up. This usually leads to gaps but since I have to direct a bit anyway, and we have new expansion cards, we had only one gap at the end. And I think we almost tied. I had 151 points and Sara Ellen less than 150 but then I discovered she had two unfinished cloisters but only after removing our scoring pieces.

Then I walked into the kitchen and was amazed to find it was 6:00. The late sunsets mess with my time perception, and Sara Ellen’s too as you can imagine. It’s hard to get ready for bed at 8:30 when it isn’t really dark yet. Dinner was totally unsatisfying: frozen, thawed, baked (and eaten yesterday), and reheated macaroni and cheese casserole. Plus a piece of left over pizza from Amici’s. I got a pretty fancy pizza and it was good at first but each bite was less yummy and reheated… it somehow tasted minty, not good for three kinds of cheese, Italian bacon, spinach, and red onions.

While writing all this reminds me I did do something, the writing itself feels more productive. Both girls are out for the night (though Eliza gets awfully noisy at some point) and I need to do something, besides continue watching season 7 of Gilmore Girls. Honestly, the outlook isn’t too promising.

We are sending in the pre-K registration papers which include the pediatrician form. I had emailed her to see if we should bring it in or could send by mail. Turned out Sara Ellen was due for booster shots so we headed in today. I just told her she had an appointment, she was actually looking forward to it and spoke happily with Dr Geetha. Then came vaccination time. Oi! First she spoke very calmly about not getting them, but when the nurse brought in the tray… she got more insistent and escalated to squirming and crying. No amount of promised treats, logic (relax and it’ll be over soon), or gentleness helped. Eventually we got a hold of her and she received two in one leg and one in the other. I’m sure she felt some pain but she didn’t cry out as one might expect after her behavior. There wasn’t any further unhappiness though she did walk a little stiffly.

On the way home we listened to music from Vacation Bible School. One of the songs could be called the Jesus cheer. On exiting the doctors office, Sara Ellen seemed better, however it took some time for me to get over the unhappiness. When she began singing, I started to feel better, hearing my girl worshiping.

We pulled into the garage and Eliza hadn’t yet woken so I let Sara Ellen keep listening to the music while I started switching laundry (the machines are in the garage). When Eliza woke I picked her up, turned off the car battery to Sara Ellen’s dismay and unbuckled her as well. Then she started talking about shots again and I’m sad to say that broke my happy mood, making moving laundry while holding a baby even harder.

While you might think I have a huge well of patience, and perhaps I do, it was very trying having to manage the lunch needs of myself and Sara Ellen while either holding a baby or listening to her cry in the bouncy seat. I had also told Sara Ellen she could watch Mary Poppins but then she asked if she could put it on. This sounds very reasonable of course but if she couldn’t put it on then, I would have told her she couldn’t watch it yet. Deep breaths….

I got our sandwiches made and we sat down to our respective videos. As soon as she was finished, she asked for the ice cream I promised her. I was surrounded by plates, a baby, and a laptop table. When I finished, Eliza needed a change. One of her traits different from her sister is that she lies calmly during a change and can even sleep through it! She was asleep when I finished and I remembered the need for toilet and bathtub cleaning. Well, I left Eliza where she lay and got it done, two toilets and the removal of a work of tub art. I heard another request for ice cream while scrubbing and served us both afterwards. I was going to serve Sara Ellen when she asked that time as both scooping and scrubbing require both hands (baby-free tasks) but I forgot when I turned around and saw the work still to be done.

I suppose she is developing her own well of patience with me. She had plenty to deal with: a mother who always has to care for baby first and isn’t up for most of the outings suggested, getting stuck with three needles, and having to wait for the ice cream promised to her. As often as I feel like yelling, it’s surprising she doesn’t.

I know Sara Ellen is at a stage where she is learning a lot and learning how to apply it all, but all Sara Ellen’s questions, telling us what to do, it makes me nutty sometimes. I try not to be frustrated and short with her. I used to try to answer all her questions so she would understand, but I just can’t explain everything anymore and honestly, I’m not sure she cares about the answers.

She just wants to know everything, when she’s paying attention. A lot of the time it’s with movies and tv shows, even when it’s age appropriate. I believe she would find the answer is she were really paying attention. Maybe I’m expecting too much, but I don’t think so. I’m with her all the time and I’ve seen her take things in and ask intuitive questions. She amazes me, so when she isn’t thinking this way, it frustrates me. In the movie “13 Going on 30″, Jenna is entertaining all the 13 year olds and they ask why she can’t be with Matt. She tells them, “it’s a grown up thing”. In that case, I always feel it’s a simple answer, “because he’s going to marry someone else”. Especially at thirteen, they should understand. Perhaps they’d have other follow-up questions but in that scene, and with Sara Ellen, I believe it’s worthwhile to try to answer. So what’s really frustrating me is when she asks questions to which she could find her own answer. I do often ask her to do so, asking what it looks like, what she thinks, encouraging her to think before she speaks.

Like many her age, she is also telling people what to do, or not do. It can be annoying or inappropriate but she takes in so much and then applies those rules in context, though it may not apply to the particular person. At home she may tell us we can’t do something or have something. Honestly, I don’t like telling her I can do or have something because I’m a grown up, I’m the mother, or because I said so. I’ll just have to focus on it not being appropriate for someone her age. At times that works, but when I’m having something I want but won’t let her, it doesn’t seem fair, usually this applies to treats. When you’re grown, you can make your own choices. We can’t always do what we want and there are restrictions, just different from when we’re kids. I also try to help her understand that it’s not her responsibility to tell others to do or not do something, unless it’s a hurtful or disrespectful action or word.

She is truly such an amazing person, kind-hearted, friendly, and bright. I love watching her learn. As we are all learning to be a family of four I have to remind myself that she needs more from me than just food and entertainment, she needs personal, sister-free time. I forget this, until it happens. That kind of time affirms our relationship and brings us closer, farther from the busy distracted world.

It’s a task I have yet to accomplish, despite the momentary glee at thinking I finally found one that fit. Here’s a review of two I’ve bought and worn during pregnancy and now two weeks into the life of baby #2. It’s recommended that you buy a nursing bra after delivering baby, but during pregnancy those you already had will more than likely cease to fit. Some products are marketed as “maternity bras” but most of them feature drop cups designed for the nursing mother.

Back in January, I was introduced to a local boutique and was ecstatic because it seemed I’d found a bra that actually fit. I bought one and ordered more. I’ve been a pretty loyal underwire wearer even though it’s not recommended when nursing as they are said to contribute to plugged ducts. With the Medela Seamless Full Fit, I’d though I’d found something supportive, well-fit, and functional.

• Even up front there was a problem, the cup hook. It is described thus: “Convenient one-hand release clasp and flexible drop cup makes for fast easy nursing.” Good – it releases quickly. Bad – it does not reattach so quickly. You have to slide it up into the clasp and push until it clicks. This is difficult to do one-handed and can come undone later even after clicking.
• After wearing for a while there was another problem. Good – the thick wires provide support. Bad – the frame the wire slides into dug into my ribs and underarm. Someone suggested I take out the wires, I did so and while it seemed more comfortable, it was not as supportive. As anyone similarly built knows, shortening the shoulder straps brings the back up, not the front.
• Shoulder strap description: “Cushioned straps for added comfort”. If you need support, wider straps are better, true, but the wider, thicker cushion sticks out from underneath sleeveless clothes.

After a couple months I visited the Maternal Connections boutique in El Camino Hospital to find something more comfortable and in a nude color. They have most of their bra selection stored in a room that offers complete privacy from other shoppers (as opposed to Motherhood Maternity where you are behind a curtain). I would have preferred to have the room to myself, but having babies usually requires a little loss of privacy and the lady who helped me was very nice. She stressed that I not try to get a perfect fit until after delivering, but to find something soft and comfortable. What seemed best at the time was the bravado The Body Silk Seamless. The package boasts “lovely shaping and support” but that doesn’t ring true as you go up in size.

• It’s definitely soft. Sure, it’s comfortable but there isn’t any support or separation. Can I just say this did not help with the increased pregnancy sweatiness.
• As with most nursing bras, it’s a basic drop cup, but unlike many it doesn’t have a frame. Between the hook and the band is only a narrow elastic – not enough support.
• The cup has removable foam inserts for “the option of a thicker cup”. Now that I’m using it while nursing, I find that the insert has folded over when I rehook the cup. Readjusting the insert discreetly has proved impossible, it works a lot better with the insert removed.

Anyone have recommendations for great nursing bras for large cup sizes? Have you been able to try them on? Or do you order them?

It was great because I could lie on my belly but sadly I couldn’t get the lower back massage I really need because my belly is still recovering. As I was getting settled there was a very strong lavender aroma. I couldn’t tell if it was coming from the head rest or a febreeze outlet. I asked if I ought to have my head down and mentioned the strong scent and she changed the cover the headrest. Jen worked gently on my lower back but did the more intense work on my upper back. Wow! I didn’t realize how much I needed that too. She did a great job alternating with gentle, strong, and deeper. For the strong portion I think she was using her forearms. For the deeper portions I think she used her finger to dig in, it felt like how I imagine acupressure. That was uncomfortable but didn’t last long. She also did the backs of my legs and soles of my feet.

On my back (and it was so much easier turning over sans baby belly), she worked on the front of my legs, the tops and bottoms of my feet, arms and fingers, and my upper neck.

The table can be raised or lowered, and was soft and covered with a cotton sheet under me, and a blanket and top sheet over me. There were also pillows available for comfort (I used them under my chest while on my belly). You can wear underwear, cover in the provided towel, or go bare. She only uncovers the area she’s working on: back, leg, arm. There is a water sound machine, music playing, and a small adjustable heater.

The one negative is the parking. It’s a small building with a few medical offices at an intersection. The building is surrounded by parking but it’s small and tricky to navigate. The directions from Google told me to turn left onto Blossom Hill from Los Gatos Blvd and then make a U-turn at Cherry Blossom but the building is at the previous intersection and reachable by simply turning left at that light.

I can’t wait to return for a great back massage when I’m finished my postpartum recovery.

I spent last week doing small errands, resting, and doing what I could with Sara Ellen. Sunday was our first visit to Campbell’s Farmers Market. Monday we did some shopping: finding a huge deal on DIY baby announcements & other helpful items, then playing with the announcement template a little uselessly. Tuesday we made returns, getting money back and taking my slow walk through the mall. Wednesday Sara Ellen had gymnastics while I sat uncomfortably on a hard chair wondering if the other expectant mother had delivered – she hadn’t been in recently. Thursday Sara Ellen woke up with a fever so Tim stayed home while I went to my 37-week appointment. Again I was given the option of being checked for dilation. I almost accepted because I had been getting more and more uncomfortable in general and especially when in bed. I may have asked her to but then remembered that I needed to get home so Tim could still participate in iWalk at work. I spent the rest of the day trying not to over-exert myself while caring for a very warm little girl. She was cooling down in the evening and we got into bed maybe around 10.

At 1am I got up to use the bathroom. I don’t know if that’s what woke me, or my discomfort. In the bathroom I discovered my water had very much broken. I was trying to figure how to tend to myself, then trying to calm my sobs because being early, we didn’t have our intended help. In this state I was trying to communicate to Tim what had happened, why I was upset, and what we needed to do (find out which midwife was on call and contact her). I had calmed down and quickly got myself together. I had packed at least a week ago, made a list of what to add, and knew that I’d be staying at the hospital because I had just found out at the appointment that I was Group B Strep positive and would have to receive penicillin every four hours to avoid passing it to, and infecting the baby on her way out (it wouldn’t harm myself or anyone else but her). Tim was a little dazed because he had recently gone to sleep and wasn’t sure what to pack for himself. I got myself together and then things for Sara Ellen. The midwife, Lin, said she would let the nurses know I was coming and could be at the hospital herself in 15 minutes when I needed her. I went to wake Sara Ellen who was already waking herself to use the bathroom. Her fever was down but now she had diarhea! It was 2am when we left, with nobody to watch our sickie. It wasn’t a problem for the nurses that she came, but being potentially contagious was.

It took some time to get hooked up with penicillin. The fact that they tried and failed to get the line in one hand was a small but uncomfortable setback. I have tiny veins and usually it’s easier to find one in my right arm, but they were using a hand and I wasn’t sure if it might be different. It wasn’t. I told a second nurse and she was able to get it in. Thankfully the medicine didn’t burn as they warned it might. Contractions began on their own, fairly soon and just a noticible tightening. Around five or so they were getting stronger and Sara Ellen had used the toilet and was using up the extra clothes I brought so we agreed Tim should see who he could find to help. I was also having to use the bathroom frequently, either during or after a contractions. Around 5:30 they were much stronger and took more concentration. I had called Lin. She encouraged me to use a low voice to get through, she rubbed my shoulders, and brought pillows while I felt most comfortable on the toilet. Especially with Tim still gone, it was a huge comfort having her there, she was my hero that morning. Lin told a nurse it seemed like I was transitioning. They hadn’t even checked dilation, every time they wanted to I was in the middle of a contraction. When I finally got off the toilet, I lay on my side on the bed. I had told Tim he needed to come and very soon I was pushing. With Sara Ellen I felt the need to push and I was a relief when the nurses told me to go ahead. This time it was just hard work, no relief, I wanted it over. I am so grateful my body works so quickly. I wasn’t sure if Sara Ellen’s speedy delivery was because of the pitocin or nature. As I was pushing, on my side the whole time, Lin had me biting a pillow so I would channel energy into pushing instead of noise. She used some sort of gel to help the the perenium to stretch, especially since I had some scar tissue from last time. Eliza finally arrived.

I was so grateful she was early. I had been getting more and more uncomfortable, and wasn’t sure how I could get any bigger! I was so grateful to Lin, she was a huge encourager. I did tear a little and needed stitches but for anyone who has heard of episiotomies and thinks they are normal, please listen. A natural tear heals much easier than a precise cut. If you cut your knee, the skin it able to knit itself back together. Any kind of thin knife-cut takes longer to heal. I experienced a lot more post-partum pain last time. The stitches may have come out, but I was hurting one way or another for a very long time.

Eliza was put on my chest immediately. As much as I’d always wanted that, knowing how trying to breastfeed from the start was beneficial, it seemed a little gross. It wasn’t. They dried her off and her warm little body was snuggled onto me. It was wonderful. She even began to nurse quickly, and she was so good at it. It’s truly incredible, worth getting past labor to experience.

Tim had finally been able to get in touch with our landlord neighbor and rushed back. Even so, he just missed the birth. I was holding our newest little one, and Lin delivering the placenta, when he returned. After Sara Ellen, I was on a high, enough to joke withe the doctor stitching the episiotomy cut which tore. I do remember that the pressing on my belly to deliver the placenta and clear out everything else was uncomfortable, both times. I wouldn’t say I was on a high this time, but so grateful for everything: for Lin’s help, Eliza’s warm little body, and Tim by my side. It was perhaps for the best that Sara Ellen was sick. Had she been well, Tim still would likely have been out of the room, my work would have been too much for her and then he would have needed to care for her instead of being with me. Though I spent much of that first hour fairly uncomfortable, Eliza and Tim’s presence calmed me.

After that hour, Tim went with her to the nursery and I was helped to the bathroom and wheeled to a maternity room. The nurse helping then, Mona, seemed a little bungling. I felt she could have been gentler with my IV which was now pumping pitocin (I think to help the uterus) instead of penicillin. Also, the machine it was attached to would start beeping loud saying a connection was wrong. She “thought” it would be okay to remove. Thought? “Should you check to make sure??” The second time it happened she went ahead with the removal. I had a rotation of nurses until midday Sunday and thankfully didn’t see her again.

Dad made reservations for Mom and Emily to come out Saturday night but until then Tim still had to find a sitter so he could come see us. Again, it was better that Sara Ellen was sick and couldn’t visit because, though I missed her, it gave us quiet time together. And for that, I am grateful to the Washam’s, our landlord neighbors, and to Sara Grignon, Tim’s boss’ wife, whom Sara Ellen has met a few times and really likes. I am also grateful to my family who were more than willing to cancel other plans, miss other special events, to be here for us.

As much as we wonder as parents-to-be, it’s better that we don’t know the future. That knowledge would negatively change our perspective. Trusting that God has a plan for you, it gives hope and perseverance and the ability to see the incredible blessings He performs when you can’t see how a situation will work out.

I’ve been trying to keep track of how this time around is different:
• Stronger round ligament pains
• Stronger feeling of nausea but no sickness (I didn’t feel sick before unless I didn’t eat soon enough and the few times I did get sick were for different reasons)
• More exhaustion? Hard to tell.
• Bigger belly earlier but not puffy earlier. At 34 weeks now, I look closer to when we thought I was 37 weeks last time, than as I looked when we believe me to be 33 weeks.
• More belly discomfort?
• Braxton Hicks contractions that started earlier, occurred more often, and felt tighter than I remember.
• More pelvic pain?
• Four year old requiring attention but is also helpful and affectionate.
• I don’t remember S moving so much. I remember feeling like she was pushing her way up but with this one she moves so strongly, often on both sides at the same time.
• Last time, I took my wedding rings off pretty late and I was told if my fingers were too puffy and at risk of injury they might have to cut the rings off! I’ve been testing their removal potential for a while this time and left them off when each was uncomfortable to wear or remove.

And here are the things I can hardly wait for:
• To wear my wedding rings again
• To be on the other side of labor
• To hold and also be able to put our child down
• To touch our child directly
• To see our child
• To share our child with others
• To use the bathroom a little less and not have the belly pressing down upon rising
• To lie (or sit) down and get up more comfortably
• To see siblings together
• To confirm we have a daughter or son
• To not have a belly between myself and the sink, chair, people, etc
• To be able to exercise better, or at least be able to walk farther, or just upstairs without my legs bumping my belly
• To still eat a lot but know that it’s coming off me and going into baby
• To shock the Wii Balance Board with sudden weight loss (its incredible how much I’ll lose just by delivering) and no longer hear it tell me I’m overweight because I can’t tell it the reason for my weight gain is pregnancy.

I’ve been feeding myself, and my teammates (aka husband and daughter #1), food to help us (this also includes the unborn) grow. I’ve tried to limit the less healthful products (aka sweet foods and beverages), but I have to admit bubbly drinks help a lot with the stomach bubbles that have a hard time becoming burps on their own. My trainer (aka midwives) says I’m doing a great job; blood sugar levels are good, weight is increasing healthfully, and even my iron levels are good! I’m quite proud of those achievements alone.

Baby is alive and kicking, a lot. I don’t know what physical activity she may grow to love, but I’m guessing she going in a similar direction as her big sister, the kind of kiddo who has no problems getting movement into her daily life. She does seem to run a little cooler however. She isn’t the furnace that her sister always has been. I’m actually quite grateful for this because growing another furnace in an area that is slowly building in temperature would be more difficult. Thankfully those temperatures are increasing slowly and we’re getting spring rains.

There are days, or just moments, when I want this little out! I have a protruding belly the size of a basketball (whether or not the baby inside actually weighs about the same as a jicama at 32 weeks, estimated around 4lbs) which is very heavy, makes me cumbersome, slow, and tired. Then there are the aches: in the muscles, in the joints as they loosen, and in the uterus as it practices contracting becoming even heavier and more tiresome. It would be nice to put her down or let someone else carry her weight now and then. Then there are the days, or moments, when I want this little one out because I want to see what she looks like, what colors her hair and eyes begin as, how her skin feels, see her tiny toes and fingers, and to know again the awesomeness of feeding a child all by myself and watching her grown even bigger and stronger.

Today was a quite a crazy day, on the inside. I woke up at 8:30, but didn’t get up until later and then had just enough time to dress myself and my daughter, and get some yogurt and granola in a bowl to eat while riding to church. We even made it on time for the choral introit. Pregnancy doesn’t mean you aren’t able-bodied. It does mean that you need to listen to your body and take it easy before you fall down. Usually in the church service I do just fine standing and singing, that was not the case today. I stayed seated the whole time and even much of the singing was out. Either action made me feel slightly light-headed, just kind of weird, which is just the latest weirdness of the past week. The burps needing to escape have been frequent, as has stomach weirdness usually after dinner. In the last several weeks during church, baby moves, a lot! Usually while the pastor is speaking or during music, not little flutters, she’s dancing and shifting all over. The movement seems to obvious to me. Aside from feeling it, I can see the suddens movements and it kind of astonishes me that no one else notices. This morning was no different except that either she was moving or we were experiencing Braxton Hicks. This pattern continued all day, baby moving a lot or uterus tightening. The movements are fun, the tightenings are tiring. I perked up a little after lunch (bacon, salsa, and spinach wraps) and had enough energy to visit Babies R Us where we agreed on and ordered a dresser, Hooray!!! Back home, Sara Ellen watched A Bug’s Life. I’ve been trying to get her to watch this for some variety and she was inspired to watch it after seeing Daddy use it as a test subject for the home theater he is building. At some point, lying on the floor, I took a brief nap that was nevertheless refreshing. I won’t chronicle the entire day, except to share that it continued with the movement and tightening pattern which seemed to have me sleepy yet again, after dinner. I lay on the couch (which is also being replaced soon) between 7 and 7:30 and napped for an hour!

Now I’m awake and thinking about assembling ice cream with chocolate sauce and choosing a movie to enjoy on our new screen.

I don’t know how much rehearsing the little ones have been doing but we learned last Sunday that the children’s choirs would be meeting early today to warm up and process together. Sara Ellen does love to sing, and has actually been inventive this week, inserting new words into a familiar tune, but she’s not as fond of singing unfamiliar songs along with others. In the large group she prefered to walk around a bit and look at the older singers. Between the rehearsal and service I encouraged her to stay in place, whether or not she sung. It was super-cute seeing her go up with the others and watching her. She did seem to sing a little, I could see her mouth moving, but she moved around on the altar stairs and actually started to walk down the aisle a couple times. She may have been looking for us, the second time I could see her looking around and shrugging her shoulders, and the Sunday School teacher had to retrieve her both times. Tim followed when they headed to classes, to make sure she got there.

During the service we sang “O, For A Thousand Tongues to Sing”. This is one of my favorite hymns whether sung in a traditional service or a little more upbeat like during IVCF gatherings. I think we only sang four verses. The cyberhymnal website shows many more. I find it to be a prayer and encouragement in one, one of the hymns that always makes me imagine heaven.

O for a thousand tongues to sing
My great Redeemer’s praise,
The glories of my God and King,
The triumphs of His grace!

Hear Him, ye deaf; His praise, ye dumb,
Your loosened tongues employ;
Ye blind, behold your Savior come,
And leap, ye lame, for joy.

The visiting pastor spoke on “removing the stone” as Jesus instructed at Lazarus’ resurrection in the 2nd scripture reading, and was later done at his own. He referred to removing the barriers that we keep. As he opened, he shared “the three surprises we’ll meet in heaven”. He shared that at first he found it to be a funny joke, until he really thought about it.

Surprise number one: The people you may have thought that wouldn’t be there will be there.

Surprise number three: How did I get here!?

Many of the barriers in our lives come from judgments we make, judgments that God does not make. Much reuniting can come from bringing down those barriers.

It’s been a weekend to be thankful for, spent as a family. Yesterday we attended the church egg hunt, which was not as well attended as I’d imagined (but I still met new people), went to see How to Train Your Dragon, visited the mall for furniture research, and celebrated Tim’s hard work at Applebee’s. I only got a little worn out from all the walking and only had a few strong Braxton Hicks after a walk to and around Santana Row, and back to the Winchester Century 21 cinema. After the service today (during which baby-to-be danced around) I signed up Sara Ellen for VBS in June, we enjoyed our leftovers for lunch in our garden, I made cookies while Tim visited Great Clips and Sara Ellen watched VeggieTales, and we played some board and card games together (with more “belly dancing”). The cookies came out really well. I didn’t have any and I decided I wanted some for dessert. I used the Tollhouse chocolate chip recipe but instead of chips, I used cinnamon drops leftover from Christmas, and included crushed walnuts. This time I managed to get the dough right, softening the butter instead of melting, and they came out just right in my opinion – not too soft or too crunchy, and just sweet enough in addition to the “morsels”.

I’ve had a succession of great weekends, a “ladies only” movie date, the New Moon dvd release gathering after mini-golf, and this one. I’m so thankful for times like these, as well as for the dresses my mother made me that make it easier to feel comfortable because I don’t have much wrapping around or slipping down my belly or legs, just pure, light cotton draped around. Thanks Mom!

It occurred to me suddenly this afternoon that I’d spent a very easy day. I still had to listen to Sara Ellen ask over and over to visit Playtown at the mall and decide how to spend our day together from time to time because I had no plans. However, those things were not coupled with the physical woes I’ve been experiencing. That was what shocked me!

I usually wake up as Tim is getting ready in the morning and Sara Ellen climbs in our bed. I stay in bed for a good while, not because I’m still tired but I don’t want to lug my heavy self out of bed yet. Usually sometime later in the day I’m very, very sleepy. I don’t always take a nap, though I probably should. This afternoon, and no other time today that I can remember did I feel cranky and sleepy, falling asleep while playing games with Sara Ellen.

For weeks and weeks my lower back has been very achy. In the morning I lean over, and have to remember to bend at the hips because it’s going to be hard and uncomfortable to pick myself back up from a back-bend. All I can remember doing today is stretching out a little while sitting on the floor.

Big and potentially gross are common ways of feeling. If we’re going out I might make myself feel good by putting on real clothes, a little makeup and earrings. But I still feel pretty big. Today I did feel quite grimy this morning so I showered after breakfast (plain yogurt, oat & honey granola, blueberries). It felt as nice as usual, used all my comforting products, put on comfy pants with a pretty tee and pretty earrings. After post-lunch ice cream, I received two more mother-made cotton sundresses. They are the maxi-dress type, long & full. I honestly had to get used to them because I’ve been wearing mostly pants and shirts, so there is a slight tent-like feeling (though more modern) but having done that I remembered how good it feels to wear a light cotton dress that covers your legs. I’ve felt comfy and clean all day.

I think the comfy, clean feeling is also due to the fact that I haven’t had any, or at least many, Braxton Hicks contractions. In the last week or so I’ve been experiencing those several times a day. It doesn’t really hurt but the tightening is very heavy and fairly uncomfortable. I didn’t feel that way today suddenly when standing. Now, I did of course have to visit the bathroom a lot, but that’s not so bad when otherwise I feel just fine.

Of course I still feel pregnant, it’s impossible not to at this point, but not quite as burdened. Hooray, what a lovely break. I was thinking more about Sara Ellen, how cute she was, and what to do with her. We played board games, beaded, whatever. I didn’t feel as distracted as I usually do. The only thing I was missing was a warmer day to enjoy my bright purple cotton dress better. Of course now at the end of the day I’m feeling bigger and heavier, but that’s ok, I’ll get into bed soonish.