For This I Am Thankful
The great new friends for both Sara Ellen and myself. As mother/daughter couples, Sara Ellen and I immediately got along with Michaela and Kathleen. We met at Cupertino Memorial park on a unusually cloudy day. Michaela was swinging and got down to ask Sara Ellen if she’d like to play. It was such a blessing. They are so similar, in temperment, willingness to try something, and even in height. It’s rare for us to meet children Sara Ellen’s age who are similar in size. I’d just had an unpleasant encounter with a different mother at the mall playtown and felt instantly free to share with Kathleen. We talked easily about lots of things and responded similarly to our girl’s requests to climb or slide with them. One of our discussion topics was church. This was before Easter and we had not yet found a place. She invited us to hers. She also was first to suggest playdates and took my number. We had a wonderful time that first day.
We did meet up with them at church for Easter. The church was not a right fit for us but we enjoyed eachother’s company again and scheduled a playdate for that Tuesday at Wildwood Park. The girls had a great time together at the park, especially in the sand. Kathleen and I continued to respond similarly to our girls and are comfortable with the other’s daughter. For example, Kathleen held Michaela by one arm and one leg to spin her around. She then did the same for Sara Ellen upon request. I had been sharing our snacks and Michaela would walk to, and stand over the bag peering in. She kept doing this and giggled when I playfully picked her up and whisked her away. Kathleen suggested going to see Monsters vs. Aliens together after I recommended it (we saw it on Easter), as well as the Oakland Zoo. We have not yet done either but we may see the movie next week. We had not spoken since that day but today we had a phone conversation and got to know eachother more. She’s going through something difficult now and trusted me with more information today. We’re looking forward getting together as mothers and daughters, as well as just us women.
God is really blessing us now, bringing together what we need for our new life out here. We found our new home quickly after a disappointment, found a church we felt comfortable in, and have abundant provisions for our financial needs. We seem to frequently learn of some new way that Apple is helping our transition here. I feel quite humbled to be provided for this way. He is teaching me as well, about His strength in my weakness.
I’ve been having a difficult time learning how to best fill Sara Ellen’s day. I found a need to better fill my time as well but either Sara Ellen’s need is more immediate, or, they are linked. There are lots of parks/playgrounds around here but I’d like to find other things to do as well. Something with a little more structure. I’m learning more about Sara Ellen’s social needs. She does ok on her own at a playground but prefers to have another person to play with. She actually does better with someone a little older, and they could be a boy or a girl. She loves to go to the Playtown at Westfield Valley Fair but it’s crowded whenever we go and I think all those kids running around bother her. At least in that atmosphere she worries about children touching her, pulling (usually babies), etc. Like me, she prefers to spend time with one person at a time. I think however, that she is more social than I am. I can talk to whoever I need to, though I may not wish too. Sara Ellen can be shy and will not speak to some, but it seems she is friendly with more, playing and talking with people (often adults) she’s just met. In the last week or I’ve been having a difficult time with her. I don’t know if it’s because she’s unhappy with what we’re doing, or how I’m responding but she’s seemed more selfish and uncooperative. Her behavior is usually her wonderful self, and at other times, not so wonderful. I usually find myself wanting so desperately to have time to myself that I put off being a mother. Tim suggested that her constant questions indicate her need for more learning opportunities. So now I have to figure out what to do. I don’t want to spend all day at home (whether in this temporary apartment or previous homes), but I also don’t like to spend the day driving around. I know that she needs more opportunities to learn and continue to grow into herself. I need God’s continued help for her to thrive. I’ve had some very difficult times with my temper and patience in this issue and it’s helped me understand that I truly need God’s grace and strength in my weakness to succeed.
“I usually find myself wanting so desperately to have time to myself that I put off being a mother” – I recognize this feeling from the year I stayed at home. What I found was that once my little one started going to daycare, both she and I were happier. I got adult time with other adults, she got all the stimulation she needed from great people trained and skilled in the intellectual needs of children her age. And this made the time we had together so much better too. Instead of her needing more stimulation and me needing to get away and use my brain, we now get those needs fulfilled elsewhere and get to enjoy our time together as mother and daughter.
Personally I think that most children need a little bit of time away from their parents, once they reach a certain age. It can be family, friends or some form of daycare, not necessarily every day or for the entire day. By spending time with other people they are given the opportunity to explore other sides of theirself, and can get stimulation and experiences from many sources. This is one reason why I personally am not a great fan of homeschooling. It can work if the parents are very diligent in providing external sources for learning and making sure the child interacts with a diverse selection of people, but in most cases I think well educated teachers are better trained in providing children with the learning opportunities and stimulation they need, and that the public school is a great way for a child to learn to interact with many different types of people. I do realize however that different parents have different priorities in this field.